My Story

My husband walked out when I was 8 mos pregnant with my youngest. I also had an 11 yr old and a 6 year old. He took our only car and cleaned out the bank account. I was so lost and so scared. I didn’t know what to do. My family was supportive for the most part. Some asked how I could let this happen. Some wondered why I hadn’t left him. (He was abusive) these are my lessons I learned along the way.

What to expect

1. The journey is hard!

2. You will be lonely

If you share custody you will find yourself alone some holidays and weekends.

3. You will lose friends/family

You will learn who your real friends are and find out which family members you can count on.

One of my exes relatives thought I shouldn’t be invited to anything. In her mind I was no longer family. My mother in law assured me that as long as I was the mother of her grand children I would always be welcome.

4. It’s scary

You will need to learn a new way of life and you alone will be responsible for those little bodies you call your children. It’s very scary!

5. Your time with your kids is precious

More than likely you will be working, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs. Also your kids will be spending time with your ex making the time you have with them all the more precious.

6. It’s exhausting

7. It will feel like you and your kids against the world.

How to find help!

Call your local churches.

Sign up for food stamps and medicaid

HUD/Section 8

Salvation Army

carsformoms.org

Food banks

financial aid

Don’t

1. Don’t talk badly about your ex in front of your kids

This may be the hardest thing ever. I even went as far to remind him of the kids birthdays and encouraged the kids to have a relationship with him. I didn’t want them to some day say to me “Mom why did you keep us from Dad” I hated every minute but my kids now know what I did for them. They no longer have a relationship with their dad but its because of him not because I interfered. I WILL NEVER REGRET DOING THAT FOR MY CHILDREN. I SPENT MANY NIGHTS CRYING OVER IT THOUGH.

2. Don’t put adult issues on your children

Let them be kids. Their world is already turning upside down. They don’t need any extra stress. My daughter watched her little brothers while I worked. She tells me sometimes how hard that was. She felt like their mom. This is my biggest regret.

3. Don’t use your kids to get back at your ex

It may be tempting at times but never hold visitation or child support. It will hurt your children more than it hurts your ex!

4. Don’t expect your kids to comfort you.

It is not their job to make sure you are okay. You need to let them know you are even when your not!

5. Don’t withold information about your divorce but don’t overshare.

Obviously the ages of your children matter here. My kids knew some of what was happening with the divorce. My oldest needed to know but I never gave her more than she could handle.

EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!

TAKE CARE OF YOU!

FORGIVE YOURSELF!

IT GETS BETTER/EASIER